A Mid-Summer Day’s Scream

You may recall my posts shortly after I lost my job, when I vowed I was going to take my future by the horns and turn this whole ship of life around. How much I was going to get done! This was a blessing in disguise, not a horrific nightmare I couldn’t wake up from. In some ways I have felt fortunate to be handed this unexpected “vacation,” but in others not so much.

I’m certainly getting more done on the home front than I did when I worked. It would be pretty sad if that weren’t the case. I’m on top of laundry, a little more on top of housecleaning (errm…), I make dinner every day and sometimes even let the kids off the hook as far as their clean up duties. My To Do list gets done – more often than before, I mean – and my errands run in a much more timely fashion. I even planted some flowers and weeded part of one of our flower gardens!

There is no stopping this train, people.

Not that there aren’t downsides to unemployment. I wouldn’t want to convince everyone to quit your day job so you can have a cleaner house (unless you live in this area and have a job I want, so I can apply for it). Putting aside the paycheck, it’s harder to maintain a steady routine when you’re home all day, every day. Used to be my life was planned around work hours. Though flexible, those hours dictated my schedule. They sure as heck got me out of a lot of family functions, for one thing. At least until they realized working the weekend didn’t mean I wasn’t available in the evenings. So hey, we’ll have the party AFTER 5:00!

Great. Thanks. Appreciated.

I did anticipate the depression it would bring and it’s been around the level I expected but I’m putting far more pressure on myself than is healthy. Knowing no one’s job is ever completely safe – especially now – I have to worry what the upcoming years will bring, with one kid in college and two on deck. I’d kind of like to retire before I’m 90 and not leave my kids with five figures’ worth of loan debt. The old joke about spending retirement as a Walmart greeter has fallen flat; even they’ve been cut.

The world is really, really scary.

I’m waiting to hear regarding a couple jobs I’ve interviewed for and I have another next week. I probably have another fifteen resumes in circulation “out there” for jobs in more than one field. Fate willing the job I really want will materialize; still crossing my fingers and gritting my teeth while I wait to hear. Otherwise, well, it isn’t like I’m not on top of things.

Reading is still my sanctuary. Writing, too. I’d planned to take a short writing retreat around this time, until I lost my job, but now that’s off the table. I can take mini-retreats – a couple hours a day here and there, when I can camp out somewhere that isn’t home – and finish clearing out my basement office, making it a desirable place to be instead of the Black Hole of Calcutta it is now. So that stuff helps. I’ve been writing a bit over on Much of a Muchness, another release valve that’s beneficial. I posted on interviewing today, in fact.

What’s unhealthy, though, and what I need to stop is sitting on my aspirations, hitting my email refresh button every few minutes, waiting for interview and/or job offers to come in. As I sit here now I keep glancing at the number of emails I have in my in-box. When that number rises I click on the tab, wildly hoping it’s good news… That’s no good and I know it but the impulse is so, so strong.

So, that’s where I’m at, life-wise. Reading-wise I’ll catch up with soon but I wanted to write a more personal note here, despite my vow to separate life from book-related posts, because I have a degree of regulars after all these years spent blogging. You’ve been so supportive, so I think it’s only fair I let you know how I am every now and then.

Hanging in there, doing my best, trying to get better. And reading. Always reading.

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5 thoughts on “A Mid-Summer Day’s Scream

  1. Thank you for your personal update. I have been thinking about you and wishing you all the best through what must be a stressful time for you.I hope that a good door will open for you soon. Have to tell you though, in a few weeks I will be 85 and I am still editor/publisher of a weekly newspaper. And enjoying my elderhood! Sending you caring thoughts.

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  2. Lisa

    Hello, Mona! You are so sweet and caring. And how inspirational to know you’re still active in publishing. I am still waiting for that door to crack open…Interviewing really just wears me out. I come home and take a nap after every, single one. It’s a lot of mental strain, it really is. I will keep updating what I’m up to and where the job situation takes me. 🙂

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  3. Job searching sucks. I know all too well the ups and downs of unemployment. Good luck in your seeking. It really is true though, you never know where your best opportunity will come from. It could be a chance conversation or a long lost contact with an old friend or a job you randomly hear about and take the chance even though it’s a long shot.

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  4. Lisa

    AILV, thanks much for your kind comment. I have no idea where I’ll end up and I should look at that knowledge as an adventure of sorts, probably. The older I get the less adventurous I am, though!

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